This work is failing….in one sense. I’ve finally turned a familiar process used over many years, into a commodity. It has little going for it aesthetically yet I kept pushing it towards what felt like a solution…of sorts. Maybe ‘conclusion’ is a more accurate description of where I’ve ended up because now I understand what’s been going on in my head and what the work and more importantly, the process, has been trying to articulate and make visible. There comes a point when trying to conform to an apparent prescriptive norm and create something intrinsically pleasant to look at, backfires and what remains is a stark truth.
I’ve been trying to make a piece of work for a specific exhibition and am finding that I just can’t do it because I keep ending up with something which feels contrived and dishonest. Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised as I look over the path which has led me here. Trying to hang onto a familiar and hitherto successful process reveals far more about what I really feel than it does about the inherent skill involved in making the work. So now, I’ve come face to face with my own reluctance to let go and move forwards into an unknown. The ‘solution’ I’m now confronting is a recognition and acknowledgement of an important transition from what was into what is now trying to surface.
Becoming older as an artist can and should bring unimagined freedom. Lying at the other side of that are the shadows whose sole purpose is to restrict our vision. This inner tension is what’s pushing me forwards now. This work has turned from a feeble attempt into a shout of defiance as it celebrates its own absurdity.